…I haven’t dissociated in a couple months.

Or whatever the hell the right phrase is for it. I’ve never spoken to a doctor for an official diagnosis.

But I’m talking about those episodes I have sometimes where I contemplate the emptiness of the universe and the futility of all my actions, and the overall meaninglessness of it, and then I’m disconnected from my body and reality for the better part of an afternoon.

They’re not really bad, to be honest. They’re not like my lows, where I genuinely feel like I can’t be bothered and I just don’t want to do anything except eat junk food and watch reruns of shows I don’t even like anymore. I don’t feel unhappy when I dissociate. Just numb.

But my emotional state is completely irrelevant to the bigger point, which is: I just don’t get anything fucking done on those days. And I haven’t been stuck in that mode since at least Spring.

I think the reason depression hasn’t been worse for me is just because I’m forced to be busy by way of career and family. Thank god, man, I’d never make it alone.


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