This thing:

It works as advertised. Combined with a heart-stoppingly sized carton of Flavacol, we’re in constant fresh supply of theater-style popcorn.

Which is good, since watching movies is like the only goddamn thing we’ve been able to do for the last 18 months. It’s like a monkey’s paw wish, man.

“Hey, fat nerd with kids – are you sure you want to spend all your time watching movies? Alright, here’s an endless rotation of the same 20 kids’ movies, and also now that you’re locked in, you’ll be too tired from endless housekeeping that you can’t stay up late enough to watch the good stuff. Enjoy your new life, dumbass.”

Better believe I’m enjoying my fucking popcorn.