…I may have another moment of work/life clarity.

I had one earlier this week, in between fever dreams and bouts of impostor syndrome. For a beautiful moment I had peace with the career I’m returning to on Monday.

Then it vanished and I felt terror. But hope springs eternal, so maybe I’ll get another sweet taste of relief.

Truth is, when I’m actually doing the work, I’m fine. But when I leave I fear the failure I’m not experiencing. Which sucks because by definition, when I leave, I’m at home relaxing.

Maybe it’s just that this was such an extremely shitty week, I can’t help but expect disaster. I think I’m recovered by now. I do better at work/life balance, as I do with most things, when I’m not heaving my guts out. Who knew.


…sometimes it isn’t.

Out of desire to keep with this blog’s goal of positivity, I haven’t mentioned that I’ve been gut shatteringly sick since my Christmas / New Year’s vacation started. I’ve been trying to post happy little nothings and plow through it. But fuck it.

This blows. This is the sickest I think I’ve ever been. I’m surrounded by delicious food I can’t eat, I have time to watch all those movies I’ve had in my various queues, but I can barely stay focused long enough to start them, and since I’m the only one who cleans in this house, things have fallen apart and everybody’s really pissed off at me for being sick. I’m lonely, everything hurts, and I wish I could stop shitting. This vacation sucks.