…I can create custom primer books.

My daughter refuses to read. She can read; she just doesn’t want to. Mostly because she’s got two choices: either the story is good, but too far beyond her current level, or it’s at her level and the payoff is some shit like, “Brushing teeth is fun.”

Finding books she’s gives a fuck about has proven to be tough. So I wrote and illustrated a Level 1 book about Tom’s butt and his fart problems. She read that faster than anything else.

I’m spending my Thanksgiving break writing sequels.


…it’s an easy school lunch day.

Friday is the day we agreed to send the kids off to school with Lunchables and chocolate milk. So it’s the one day a week I can really phone it in with packing lunches and everyone’s still gonna be happy.

I’m so fucking tired. Why does school start before 10? Why does fucking anything start before 10?

Our entire way of life was founded by and continues to be decided by the dumbest shits.