…we’re finally going back to H-Mart.

In our continuing return to normalcy, today we’ll be going to H-Mart for the first time in over two years. We’ve bought some stuff online in that time, but those options are limited.

I suppose one of us could have gone individually any time during the pandemic. But that’s not the point of an H-Mart run. The point is to make it a big family affair and spend like $500, and then you go, “Oh, shit, we better not do this for another six months.”

Anyway, we’re out of everything. It’ll be fun.


…I can do Christmas shopping without all the goddamn Christmas music.

That’s the true value of online shopping. Not sure why nobody admits it. We’re a curious species sometimes. We like to stand on ceremony so much that even at the most stressful, busy, debt-inducing moments of our lives we’ll still throw Paul McCartney’s worst fucking abomination into the mix and put that shit on loop.

I ain’t missing a thing.


…we bought a bunch of Halloween stuff on clearance.

This was largely another year that didn’t happen for us. Sadly that includes Halloween decorations. We only put up like 1/3 of our shit and even then it only went up yesterday.

But on the plus side, the last week of October is a good time to go shopping for cheap as hell yard stuff. So we’ll have more to show next time.

I have Nov 1 off, too. Gonna cram as much in my car as I can.


…I have a steady stream of Impossible Burger coming to my house.

We get Imperfect Foods deliveries every Monday. And I don’t know for sure that their whole “we’re saving the environment” shtick is totally on the level, ’cause they sell a bunch of bullshit that’s definitely not good for the environment. (Looking at you, organic foods. Fucking organic, man, what a crock of shit. You want to save the environment? Don’t buy organic under any circumstances.)

But one undeniably good thing on their part: they sell Impossible Foods products. Which means every week we get fresh Impossible Burger without even trying. It tastes exactly like ground beef, but digests way easier, and emits way less carbon.

The price could use some work, I’ll be honest. But we can afford it. Haven’t bought any ground meat since before the pandemic and I regret nothing.

Hurry up and make some Impossible Chicken Thighs and Impossible Buffalo Wings. You guys find a way to do that and I swear I’ll go straight vegetarian the same day.


…the Aldi brand oat milk is really good.

Which is honestly some of the best news possible, because otherwise there’s no chance I’d endorse a milk alternative. And boy do I want to swear off dairy if I can help it, anything to chip away at climate change.

Problem is, most milk alternatives fucking suck. Especially the really big name brands like Silk. Fuck you, Silk. You fucking liars. You keep adding sugar to watered down primer and I’m supposed to be fooled? Shove it.

But even when there’s an alternative that’s actually worth drinking, its always so goddamn expensive. Bottled water expensive.

Not so with Aldi oat milk. It tastes amazing, like the milk left after you eat your cereal, it’s just as versatile as cow milk, and it’s as cheap or cheaper than regular grocery store milk. Fuck yeah, Aldi, I knew there was a reason I made you my go-to store.


…I was able to find that backpack clip my daughter wanted.

And I don’t know, maybe I learned a valuable lesson too or something.

We were doing back to school shopping at Target and she found this thing in their dollar section. And she really wanted it.

Problem is, this was at the end of a tiresome trip where we had to drag approval out of the kids for all the new clothes we were getting, and my mind was in “get me the fuck outta here” mode. So I defaulted to telling her no, put it back.

Except, A) she was actually being pretty good, it was her sister that had been acting like a pain, B) she has a ton of spare cash that’s been piling up from holidays these last 18 months in lockdown (which we forgot to bring on her first shopping trip of 2021 because there’s a lot of shit we forgot how to do in lockdown), and C) most importantly, the thing only cost a dollar. I mean leave aside all else, it’s one fucking dollar, who cares. That’s the cheapest I could ever hope to buy somebody’s love.

But I said no, and later when I was putting her to bed, she told me how disappointed she was that she couldn’t have the little ghost cat, and she hoped she could get it some day. Like it’s an aspiration now. So I said if I was by the store again I’d take a look.

Then like two days later I went to check it out, and surprise, no ghost cats. I don’t know what the deal is, maybe it was actually leftover stock from Halloween 2020 and she happened to pick up the very last one before I told her to put it back.

So now I feel like an asshole because I kind of am, and I can’t find it for sale on Target’s website. But lo and behold, eBay has it… for fucking $7.41. Almost an 800% markup on a thing that I wouldn’t even have had to pay for in the first place if I just I got out of my own head for a minute.

Anyway, I have the goddamn thing now and paid my grumpy pants tax. Don’t tell her it happened like this.